* Nipple twiddling, pinching and biting. Always a good time.
* The Double Cry (for parents of more than one you know what I mean…I can only imagine the Triple Cry).
* The desperate need of a toddler to have something seemingly small be a certain way. And each of these needs accompanied by intense, tear-filled despair:
“But I wanted to put the lid back on!!”
“Noooooooo! I want the GREEN bowl!!”
“But Mama I don’t like that kind of noodle!!”
* When we’re all together (Mom, Dad, 3 year-old and 1 year-old): the inability to have an adult conversation. To even finish most sentences.
* Baby rapidly flinging and throwing food before I can prevent it.
* Dirty fingernails. I know. Random and petty. But that’s why they call them “pet” peeves right?
* Walking into Casa de Luz (an Austin seat-yourself vegan restaurant that we frequent) alone with my two Littles — one that needs to be carried and the other that needs to be watched — and experiencing a room filled with people absentmindedly half-watching me while I attempt to get the stuck high chair out off the top of the stack and awkwardly walk with it to a table while holding baby and no one feeling inspired to offer a hand.
* Reliving the college experience without the fun freedom perks: intense sleepless nights like studying for finals — but “finals week” lasts for three years and there is no sleeping in. Ever. Eating a lot of beans and rice because we can’t afford anything else. Feeling hungover all the time without the good-time alcohol buzz that should precede it. And being in a perpetual state of learning something new the hard way.
* When people say, “You look tired.” How do I respond to that? Usually with a smile and a simple, “Yep, you nailed it!” What I’d like to say is, “Glad to know I look hot — thanks for noticing! It’s been so fun sleeping and showering and exercising and primping lately!”
* Floor level merchandising directed at children. The local master at this: Book People. Their children’s book section is on the second floor. Each step leading to the second floor has on it a different, random, completely unnecessary, but visually and texturally appealing to a child, thing. Highly irritating to me. The last time we were there my 3 year-old picked up one of the balls and threw it down the stairs. I watched as it bounced all the way down and then flew past one of the employee’s heads at the bottom of the stairs. The employee gave me a shaming look that said, “Why don’t you have better control of your child?” And I slammed him back with my newly assertive, post HBAC look that said, “Are you kidding me? Your store created this, Asshole.”
* People who have a problem with public breastfeeding, people who think violence is the best way to raise a child to be respectful, and people who think being a Stay At Home Mom is mindless, easy work.
There! Feels good to get the oogies out as I like to say. That was almost as satisfying as going out on a long run which is 100% in order today because it’s 75° and sunny in Austin today — Woo-hoo!
Any other mamas feel like adding to the Attachment Mama Pet Peeve list — I welcome it.
