Attachment Mama

Archive for the ‘AP & Self Care’ Category

Mommy Fatigue Syndrome

By Monica Cravotta | Published: Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Symptoms: Running on fumes. All the time. And when you should and can sleep at the end of the day, you suddenly have a second wind that keeps you up past 10 pm.

This is me. And has been me since my first child was born four years ago and has been more so since my second was born two years ago. I haven’t wanted to fully acknowledge or deal with it because I’m stubbornly attached to my “I have to” list.

Last summer, my friend Lois saw me and told me it was critical that I start paying attention to myself and my health. She said something to the effect of, “You’re one of the most vibrant people I know and looking at your eyes now, you’re so run down you’re hanging on a thread.”

Both naturopaths that I’ve seen over the last year, along with an acupuncturist echoed each other in saying, “your adrenals are completely shot.”

I had no idea what that meant other than knowing that I’ve been addicted to adrenaline rushes most of my life and that maybe my current perpetual lack of energy or odd late night surges of energy within myself was out of whack. Each person I saw had similar advice as well: Go to bed at 10:00 at the latest. (Why am I still not doing this??). And carefully tend to my diet — avoiding high glycemic foods.

Yes, Ok. Will do! And then off I go to tend to my children, my new job, my blog….and everything on my “have to, have to, have to” list.

When I got home from work tonight at 6:00 pm and wanted to collapse on the couch with fatigue — but couldn’t because I had to take care of my children and finish putting dinner together and help them to eat and clean up and help them to bed — I came up with the Attachment Mama topic du jour: “Mommy Fatigue Syndrome.”

Predominantly impacting mothers, the true term for my physical state is called Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome. Thirty seconds on Google brought up numerous sites offering helpful information.

The symptoms:

Fatigue, lethargy:
- Lack of energy in the mornings, and also in the afternoon between 3 and 5 pm.
- Often feel tired between 9 and 10 pm, but resist going to bed.
Lightheadedness (including dizziness and fainting) when rising from a sitting or laying-down position.
Lowered blood pressure and blood sugar.
Difficulty concentrating or remembering (brain fog).
Consistently feeling unwell or difficulty recovering from infections.
Craving either salty or sugary foods to keep going.
Unexplained hair loss.
Nausea.
Alternating constipation and diarrhea.
Mild depression.
Decreased sex drive.
Sleep difficulties.
Unexplained pain in the upper back or neck.
Increased symptoms of PMS for women – periods are heavy and then stop (or almost stop) on the 4th day, only to start flow again on the 5th or 6th day.
Tendency to gain weight and inability to lose it – especially around the waist.
High frequency of getting the flu and other respiratory diseases – plus a tendency for them to last longer than usual.

Then I looked at the recommended solutions which included diet changes, of course. Because diet is everything! And dang it, wouldn’t you know my nightly glass of red wine that I’ve been treating myself to since life got stressful 2 years ago is one of the no-no’s. Duh. Knew it. Haven’t wanted to deal with it.

Having read through all the dietary and lifestyle recommendations, I’m now going to sign off and do my best to get at least seven hours of sleep tonight.

Posted in AP & Self Care, AP and Working Moms | 2 Comments

Top 10 Efficiency Tips to Simplify the Mama Juggling Act

By Monica Cravotta | Published: Tuesday, July 27, 2010

When I wrote my last post I felt like I was on the verge of complete and utter implosion with my personal Mother-Work-Home juggling act. I took the last week off from Attachment Mama to clear my head, to look into ways to make life easier for our family and to finally, once and for all, re-incorporate regular exercise into my life – which has always been my sure-fire magic pill for stress management if I make it happen.

I sought out suggestions and received a ton of great ideas — most of which came from women I didn’t know (how cool is that?) — and I have already incorporated a few of the tips into our routine.

On the exercise front, starting tomorrow, I will be riding my bike to work! This may seem like piddly exercise to many of you — but for me, it’s huge. I haven’t ridden my bike since before I was pregnant with my first child — which was 2005! My exercise routine in general has been abysmal, if it happens at all. My husband got the bike tuned up for me and with a sassy new pair of mint green Keens — I will be pedaling with a lap top on my back in the a.m.

On the “how to make life easier” front — I reached out for advice from a fantastic Austin Working Mother support group I joined this Spring called Business and Balance founded by Renee Trudeau. Renee wrote the book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal. Women all around the country are joining together in personal renewal groups to go through Renee’s book together. Similar to Artist Way groups — but instead of coming together to clear creative blocks, you discover how to create life balance post Motherhood together.

So I asked the savvy entrepreneur moms that are in the Biz and Balance group if they had some tricks for making the Mama juggling act easier — both at home and at work. If any of you share the “How the cuss do I do it all?” question on occasion, here’s some of the highlights of the suggestions I received:

1. Weekly Meal Planning and Dinner Short-Cuts. My creative idea of trading room and board for cooking support during the week fell flat as our live-in cook moved out 2 weeks after I went back to work whole time due to too many other commitments. She was a great help while we had her and we’re happy to figure things out on our own now. Ideas to make putting dinner together easier:

(more…)

Posted in AP & Self Care, AP and Working Moms | 10 Comments

When All You Want to Do is Yell

By Monica Cravotta | Published: Monday, July 19, 2010

My next goal in life is to be a book author and speaker. Just typing those words right now I almost laugh out loud as I battle my dominant inner voice that says, “Yeah right, when in the world are you going to write a book? And, “What could you speak to people about? You’re not an expert in anything!”

Holding the space for the desire for now. I guess technically I have enough material that swims through my head daily and can be found on this web site to write a book.

But when I imagine myself speaking and try to drum up my inspiring presentation topic, the only thing I can come up with right now is, “Attachment Mama’s 101 Ways to Unravel as a new Parent” or “Attachment Parenting, Full-Time Work and Self-Care? Best of Luck!” Not that inspiring!

Today is one of those Mondays where I really would love the social freedom to stand in the middle of the street, on top of my desk at Whole Foods and in the middle of a meditation or yoga class (yes, all three) and yell at the top of my lungs.

Yes. I would find that enormously satisfying. And then after I let go of each of those yowls, I would like to be transported instantly to Colorado where I could hike for three hours to the top of a mountain and yell some more.

I could go into my personal sob story on why self-care feels utterly impossible to me and how challenging my personal juggling act is and how I’m running on empty consistently. But I feel totally lame doing that because I know every mother has her own version of spinning plates. And not to mention single mothers out there that are doing all of it without any help! And, worse than that, there are mothers who are dealing with a lot more than figuring out how to stay sane while feeling over-extended.

Most the time at work, I keep to myself because I have 1800 (feels like) projects to manage and can’t afford to get distracted by small talk. For the same reason, I rarely if ever get on the phone any more with my girl friends. I’m sure I come across as unfriendly at work and lame to my friends, and that sucks. I’m working on figuring it all out…

So last week I decided to reach out to a woman at work that I had secretly labeled “rough around the edges.”

I asked questions about her job, her expertise on certain products and then noticed a picture of a teenage boy on her shelf. So I asked if it were her son. She said, “Yes.”

I then asked how old he was.

She said, “He was 14 in that picture, but he was 23 when he died.”

I quite literally started crying on the spot as I told her how sorry I was.

She went on to say through her own tears that if I’ve overheard her being short with people on the phone that even though it’s been three years, she still has trouble coping and being present in the world. Good Lord, of course.

Can anyone imagine anything worse to have to live with every day?

When I then think about the work-house-children-childcare-diet-marriage-no exercise rut that I’m in, I think, Thank Your LUCKY stars for the health and well-being of your children and husband, for your health, and for your job.

Now, just because I know that other women are facing life challenges far, far, far bigger and deeper than mine — I still believe that we all have feelings of frustration that come up that we need to process and allow to move through us so that our emotions don’t come out sideways if you know what I mean.

According to Carrie Contey, when you feel like upping the volume with your frustration about something related to your children — do it! It’s healthy and normal to express frustration and anger. But here’s the trick. Don’t unleash ON them. She recommends letting the emotions flow UP and out of you and avoid scaring or shaming them directly.

So, instead of yelling at their little faces about whatever they’re doing in the moment that’s driving you crazy, tilt your head up and yell at the ceiling or the sky with “I” exclamations. “I’M SO FRUSTRATED!!!” or “HITTING HURTS PEOPLE and I WANT IT TO STOP!!” or “THIS IS NOT OK WITH ME!!!”

And then our Littles can learn that feeling and expressing emotions like anger is normal and parents feel them too — but they’re not put in a place of being traumatized by it.

I think the greatest possible gift for our children would be to grow up witnessing and experiencing their parents expressing frustration, anger, and disappointment and modeling how to get to the other side to resolve issues and support each others feelings in the process.

My husband and I hold the vision for it every day and we’ll continue to practice until we get there.

Posted in AP & Self Care, AP and Working Moms, Conflict Resolution | 3 Comments

Will You Vote for Me?

By Monica Cravotta | Published: Friday, July 9, 2010

Dear Friends,

I would so appreciate your support! Every year the Austin Chronicle newspaper and web site publishes a “Best of Austin” poll in which people can submit names for “Best of” in multiple categories including author, photographer, artist, actress, stylist, and much more.

Within the MEDIA category, you can nominate your favorite “Local Blogger” and favorite “Local Blog”. It would be so cool to see my name and Attachment Mama included in the 2010 Best of Austin list. Fellow Austin Blogging Mamas, of course I understand that you will want to nominate yourself and not me!

You can place your vote here: Austin Chronicle Best Of 2010 and you must do so by Monday, July 19. And remember you can only submit your ballot once!

The recession has hurt so many businesses across every industry — anything we can do to support one another and help people that we know do great work, let’s do it!

Speaking of — my nomination for best Pedicure/Manicure and best kept secret in Austin:

Lee

Great Nails & Spa

2911B South First (just south of Torchy’s Taco’s).

512-804-5228

Hours: Mon-Sat, 9:00 am – 7:30 pm and Sunday 12 pm – 5:00 pm

Hands down the best pedicure in Austin if you appreciate an incredible, long (30 minutes) massage as part of the package.

And only $25 Mamas!!!

Ask for Matt or Lee (pictured here with my feet) — they both rock.

Posted in AP & Self Care, Austin, Best Nail Salon | 2 Comments

Healthy Conflict Resolution at Home

By Monica Cravotta | Published: Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Everyone feels angry from time to time. We’re human and conflict is part of life. How we express it — or not, is what makes our family functional or dysfunctional.

I’m keenly interested in the subject of conflict resolution because I think it’s truly at the heart of everything that matters in our communities, our businesses, our governments, really our world — and we’ve all heard the adage a million times: world peace starts at home.

How we model conflict management as husband and wife will very likely be how our children work things out (or not) with each other and their friends. And the more young people in this life that learn how to communicate and work through issues where each person feels honored and heard — the better our world will be in the future.

Because truly — who and how we are when we’re first dating, flush with cash, time, libido and baby-free freedom is fabulous and fun and is the juice that led us all down the isle. But how we are when things aren’t easy breezy — this is when it really counts. This is what can strengthen or damage our bond. And this is what ultimately impacts children deeply.

What happens when Mom and Dad disagree or when one is making a request of the other? What happens when Mom or Dad is frustrated about something I’m doing? What can I do when I feel angry? Do I have to stuff it to fit into the family? Or can I cry and scream if I want to as long as I don’t hurt myself or others?

Do you all remember that beautiful poem by Oriah called “The Invitation”? So powerful in addressing what really matters in marriage.

...I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

“I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.” I think that fire includes the fire between us. Can we stand up to what’s hard within our relationship — the foundation for our home and our family — and not shrink back? Can we always seek compassion and tenderness when every button in our body has been pushed and our cups are empty? (more…)