Comments on: Nightweaning: Our Cry-With-Daddy Approach

By: Reggie

Reggie — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 12:30:50 +0000

Monica, how did it all go with you? was wondering…

much better here. For the most part, Maya sleeping 71/2-8 hrs in a row, and going to bed much earlier. She still tends to be restless but gets herself back to sleep. I usually do a feed aroun 4.45/5am and she falls back till 6.30/7.15

Please let me know your news too.

Thank you again!xx

By: Reggie

Reggie — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:43:01 +0000

last night went well until the early morning waking. she went to bed 7pm and was fine’ish’ with waking and not having boobster in the first couple of wakings. The final one, she wailed horribly for ages… it was terrible and I almost gave her the boob, but didn’t want to confuse her. It has been a weird day for me, so I think my mood effected it a little. What is the deal with the water? Maya rarely accepts any refreshment, its all about the sucking and me. She was v angry with me. She moved herself way away from me.

This morning she is connected – a bit more clingy than usual, but smiling, running around and affectionate, but it was AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.

By: Reggie

Reggie — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:50:49 +0000

a wee update on the night weaning. I sort some friend’s advice and read Naomi Adorlt on the issue of night weaning toddlers also and it was extremely helpful. We have done two nights. First night, first waking was quite brutal – thrashing, crying and lots of anger. My husband and I talked her through it; explained we understood, it was time to sleep and we knew it was difficult, but ‘boobsters’ (as we call them in our family) would be out when the sun came out, but now needed to sleep. I tried to stroke and hold her, but she was too angry. Second waking, she was calmer and happy to be stroked and held and she fell asleep next to her Daddy. Third waking, early morning, she was still agitated, cos’ this is her hard time, even with the nipple. to fall asleep, but it was short lived. She woke three times from going to bed at 8.15 till 6.30 which is an improvement from 6 times. The next day she was totally fine – extremely connected, making lots of eye contact with me and very affectionate and I was more open too, because of the relief. Second night, first waking was much better, second waking not much at all and third waking was prolonged and agitated, but again, she was happy and connected when she woke up. I made the mistake of getting somewhat agitated when trying to get her back to nap today, and releasing the nipple before she was ready, she didn’t seem overly bothered, but later, when I admit, again, I made a mistake of having a negatively, intense conversation with my husband while she was at the breast, she got all agitated and pinched me really hard and bit down too, which really hurt. Luckily, I was able to dissipate this energy eventually between my husband and I later and her and I went for a nice walk; saw horses, ducks, chickens etc and she nursed in the Ergo and we reconnected just fine.

SShe has gone to be at 7pm the past two nights which is unheard of for her – she is a 9- 9.30pm girl!

Well… watch this space and your advice and support were ever so helpful and appreciated. Will keep you updated.

By: Reggie

Reggie — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:57:42 +0000

Thank You; I will look her up. That does help and every bit of support goes towards me being more at peace with it. Sorry if my post was a bit choppy, but I am sleep deprived! and often forget words – I am sure you know I love the cuddles too, just the twiddling thing gets me, but the closeness I adore as we all do, just need some sleep – guilt free. Thank you once again. I love your blog, it is great and reassuring.

By: Monica Cravotta

Monica Cravotta — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:49:18 +0000

Hi Reggie! We appear to have similar personality types in our daughters. I spent the first 16 months of Izzy’s life waking up every 2 hours or so and really felt out of my mind. Now I’m sleeping more, but Izzy is still working through the night weaning. My eldest night-weaned quite easily in comparison. She had two really awful, painful nights of terrible crying — but I was right there with her holding her and talking her through it. And then it was done and she would just wake once a night asking for water. Izzy, bless her heart, is still waking up crying for “ik”. But the crying is much less dramatic and much shorter. And she’s now accepting water instead as well.

I know your feelings well. I remember being so worried about what would happen to our bond when I night-weaned Sadie. And even more so when I weaned altogether when pregnant with Izzy. I was surprised and delighted to feel a new, different level of closeness. Instead of coming to me and yanking on my shirt for boob, she was coming to me for hugs and snuggles! She still wanted the physical closeness — and of course, so did I. Connecting this way was wonderful.

I think I’ve personally come to peace with making the choice at 17 or 18 months versus 6 when babies can understand words like “no more” and “water?”, etc.
It’s not like the utter despair and confusion that a weaned newborn must feel. And there’s something beautiful about being able to unload negative emotions in the arms of a comforting parent. I think I wrote in my post that Carrie Contey, the PhD parenting coach we trust nurtured me through the choice and advised to acknowledge and present to our baby’s emotions. So instead of saying “ssshhh, it’s OK” to say something like “I know you’re so sad and so angry because you really want milk from mama and we just can’t do it a night time anymore.”

I hope that helps! I’m with you